Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most out of This Book 從本書(shū)獲得最大教益的九條建議

1. If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement, one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique. Unless you have this one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little. And if you do have this cardinal endowment, then you can achieve wonders without reading any suggestions for getting the most out of a book.

What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.

How can you develop such an urge? By constantly reminding yourself how important these principles are to you. Picture to yourself how their mastery will aid you in leading a richer, fuller, happier and more fulfilling life. Say to yourself over and over:“My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”

2. Read each chapter rapidly at first to get a bird's-eye view of it. You will probably be tempted then to rush on to the next one. But don't—unless you are reading merely for entertainment. But if you are reading because you want to increase your skill in human relations, then go back and reread each chapter thoroughly. In the long run, this will mean saving time and getting results.

3. Stop frequently in your reading to think over what you are reading. Ask yourself just how and when you can apply each suggestion.

4. Read with a crayon, pencil, pen, magic marker or highlighter in your hand. When you come across a suggestion that you feel you can use, draw a line beside it. If it is a four-star suggestion, then underscore every sentence or highlight it, or mark it with“* * * *.”Marking and underscoring a book makes it more interesting, and far easier to review rapidly.

5. I knew a woman who had been office manager for a large insurance concern for fifteen years. Every month, she read all the insurance contracts her company had issued that month. Yes, she read many of the same contracts over month after month, year after year. Why? Because experience had taught her that that was the only way she could keep their provisions clearly in mind.

I once spent almost two years writing a book on public speaking and yet I found I had to keep going back over it from time to time in order to remember what I had written in my own book. The rapidity with which we forget is astonishing.

So, if you want to get a real, lasting benefit out of this book, don't imagine that skimming through it once will suffice. After reading it thoroughly, you ought to spend a few hours reviewing it every month. Keep it on your desk in front of you every day. Glance through it often. Keep constantly impressing yourself with the rich possibilities for improvement that still lie in the offing. Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application. There is no other way.

6. Bernard Shaw once remarked, “If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.”Shaw was right. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are studying in this book, do something about them. Apply these rules at every opportunity. If you don't you will forget them quickly. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.

You will probably find it difficult to apply these suggestions all the time. I know because I wrote the book, and yet frequently I found it difficult to apply everything I advocated. For example, when you are displeased, it is much easier to criticize and condemn than it is to try to understand the other person's viewpoint. It is frequently easier to find fault than to find praise. It is more natural to talk about what you want than to talk about what the other person wants. And so on. So, as you read this book, remember that you are not merely trying to acquire information. You are attempting to form new habits. Ah yes, you are attempting a new way of life. That will require time and persistence and daily application.

So refer to these pages often. Regard this as a working handbook on human relations; and whenever you are confronted with some specific problem—such as handling a child, winning your spouse to your way of thinking, or satisfying an irritated customer—hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing. This is usually wrong. Instead, turn to these pages and review the paragraphs you have underscored. Then try these new ways and watch them achieve magic for you.

7. Offer your spouse, your child or some business associate a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating a certain principle. Make a lively game out of mastering these rules.

8. The president of an important Wall Street bank once described, in a talk before one of my classes, a highly efficient system he used for self-improvement. This man had little formal schooling;yet he had become one of the most important financiers in America, and he confessed that he owed most of his success to the constant application of his homemade system. This is what he does, I'll put it in his own words as accurately as I can remember.

“For years I have kept an engagement book showing all the appointments I had during the day. My family never made any plans for me on Saturday night, for the family knew that I devoted a part of each Saturday evening to the illuminating process of self-examination and review and appraisal. After dinner I went off by myself, opened my engagement book, and thought over all the interviews, discussions and meetings that had taken place during the week. I asked myself:

‘What mistakes did I make that time? '‘What did I do that was right—and in what way could I have improved my performance? ’

‘What lessons can I learn from that experience? ’

“I often found that this weekly review made me very unhappy. I was frequently astonished at my own blunders. Of course, as the years passed, these blunders became less frequent. Sometimes I was inclined to pat myself on the back a little after one of these sessions. This system of self-analysis, self-education, continued year after year, did more for me than any other one thing I have ever attempted.

“It helped me improve my ability to make decisions—and it aided me enormously in all my contacts with people. I cannot recommend it too highly.”

Why not use a similar system to check up on your application of the principles discussed in this book? If you do, two things will result.

First, you will find yourself engaged in an educational process that is both intriguing and priceless. Second, you will find that your ability to meet and deal with people will grow enormously.

9. You will find at the end of this book several blank pages on which you should record your triumphs in the application of these principles. Be specific. Give names, dates, results. Keeping such a record will inspire you to greater efforts; and how fascinating these entries will be when you chance upon them some evening years from now!

In order to get the most out of this book:

a. Develop a deep, driving desire to master the principles of human relations.

b. Read each chapter twice before going on to the next one.

c. As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how you can apply each suggestion.

d. Underscore each important idea.

e. Review this book each month.

f. Apply these principles at every opportunity. Use this volume as a working handbook to help you solve your daily problems.

g. Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friends a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.

h. Check up each week on the progress you are making. Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future.

i. Keep notes in the back of this book showing how and when you have applied these principles.

1．如果你想通過(guò)本書(shū)獲得最大教益，有一個(gè)必不可少的條件，一個(gè)比任何規(guī)則或技術(shù)都重要的基本條件。除非你具備了這種基本條件，否則即使再多的規(guī)則也毫無(wú)意義。假如你真的具備這種異常重要的天資，那么你將創(chuàng)造出奇跡，而不必去讀書(shū)中提出來(lái)的最大限度地獲益的建議。

這種奇妙的條件是什么？那就是深入學(xué)習(xí)的強(qiáng)烈欲望，一種提高你的為人處世能力的決心。

如何才能使這種欲望獲得滋長(zhǎng)的營(yíng)養(yǎng)呢？那就是經(jīng)常性地提醒自己這些原則對(duì)你多么重要。你可以不斷地想象，如果能夠自如地應(yīng)用這些規(guī)則，將會(huì)使你的生活變得更加富有，更加多彩，更加快樂(lè)充實(shí)。要一而再、再而三地對(duì)自己說(shuō)： “我之所以受人歡迎，我之所以幸福，我的收入之所以增加，大部分都是因?yàn)槲业臑槿颂幨赖募记伞！?

2．首先快速閱讀完每一章，以獲得整體概念。然后你可能會(huì)急著讀下一章，但是不要這樣做——除非你只是為了消遣。如果你是為了提高自己的為人處世技巧，那么你應(yīng)該再返回去，將讀過(guò)的內(nèi)容再詳細(xì)閱讀。這才是既省時(shí)間又能取得效果的好辦法。

3．閱讀的時(shí)候經(jīng)常停下來(lái)，思考自己所讀的內(nèi)容。還要問(wèn)自己什么時(shí)候、如何運(yùn)用各項(xiàng)建議。

4．閱讀時(shí)手里拿一支筆。當(dāng)遇到一條你認(rèn)為可以采用的建議時(shí)，就在旁邊畫(huà)一條線。如果這是一條極妙的建議，那么你還要在句子的下面劃一道線或星號(hào)。這將使你的閱讀更有意思，也更容易快速?gòu)?fù)習(xí)。

5．我認(rèn)識(shí)一位女士，她曾在某家大保險(xiǎn)公司擔(dān)任經(jīng)理達(dá)15年之久。她每個(gè)月都要翻看公司當(dāng)月簽訂的保險(xiǎn)合同。是的，她每個(gè)月、每年都會(huì)這樣翻看同樣的保險(xiǎn)合同。為什么她要這樣做呢？因?yàn)榻?jīng)驗(yàn)告訴她，這是讓她清楚地記住保險(xiǎn)條款的唯一有效的方法。

有一次，我曾花了將近兩年的時(shí)間寫(xiě)一本當(dāng)眾演講的書(shū)。但是我發(fā)現(xiàn)，為了記住我在書(shū)中寫(xiě)了些什么，必須經(jīng)常性地返回去看。我們遺忘的速度實(shí)在太驚人了！

所以，如果你想從本書(shū)獲得真實(shí)持久的教益，就不要以為匆匆瀏覽一遍就管用了。在仔細(xì)閱讀之后，你每個(gè)月還應(yīng)該花幾個(gè)小時(shí)溫習(xí)。把它放在你每天用的桌子上，經(jīng)常看看它。這樣你才會(huì)注意到深藏在你身體內(nèi)部的、可以大大改進(jìn)的潛能。要記住，只有通過(guò)長(zhǎng)期深切地溫習(xí)與實(shí)踐，你才會(huì)習(xí)慣性地應(yīng)用這些原則。除此之外沒(méi)有其他辦法。

6．蕭伯納曾說(shuō)： “如果你是去教某個(gè)人做某事，他永遠(yuǎn)學(xué)不會(huì)。”他說(shuō)得很對(duì)。學(xué)習(xí)是一個(gè)自動(dòng)的過(guò)程，我們總是在一邊做一邊學(xué)。因此，如果你想掌握從本書(shū)學(xué)到的原則，那么只要有機(jī)會(huì)，就應(yīng)該將所學(xué)知識(shí)應(yīng)用到實(shí)踐中去；否則，你將很快遺忘它們。記住，只有用過(guò)的知識(shí)才會(huì)給你的腦海留下深刻的印象。

你或許會(huì)覺(jué)得，要想每時(shí)每刻都應(yīng)用這些原則非常困難。我當(dāng)然知道這一點(diǎn)。在我寫(xiě)這本書(shū)的時(shí)候，我也覺(jué)得很難按照我提出來(lái)的每一項(xiàng)建議去做。例如，當(dāng)別人令你不高興的時(shí)候，批評(píng)和斥責(zé)顯然要比了解對(duì)方的觀點(diǎn)更加容易。挑毛病總比稱贊要容易得多；而且談?wù)撃阕约核枰倪h(yuǎn)比談?wù)搶?duì)方所需要的要自然得多。其他的例子也很多。所以，你在讀這本書(shū)時(shí)，不要忘了你不是僅需要獲得一些知識(shí)，更需要養(yǎng)成一種新的習(xí)慣。你是在嘗試一種新的生活方法，這需要時(shí)間、毅力和親身實(shí)踐。

所以要經(jīng)常看這本書(shū)，把它當(dāng)作一本為人處世的實(shí)用手冊(cè)，無(wú)論你在什么時(shí)候遇到特殊問(wèn)題——例如管教孩子、讓你的配偶同意你的觀點(diǎn)，或者讓一個(gè)憤怒的顧客心滿意足——都不要有沖動(dòng)之舉，這通常是不對(duì)的。相反，你可以求助于本書(shū)，看你劃了重點(diǎn)的段落。然后試著應(yīng)用這些方法，觀察它們?yōu)槟銊?chuàng)造的奇跡。

7．每次當(dāng)你的配偶、孩子或同事發(fā)現(xiàn)你沒(méi)有遵守某一原則時(shí)，不妨給他一點(diǎn)錢(qián)，以示對(duì)自己的處罰。這將使得掌握這些規(guī)則成為一項(xiàng)有趣的游戲。

8．華爾街一家重要銀行的董事長(zhǎng)曾在我的一個(gè)班上發(fā)表過(guò)一次演講，介紹他是如何自我完善的。這個(gè)人接受的正規(guī)教育很少，但他現(xiàn)在是美國(guó)最重要的金融家之一。他認(rèn)為自己之所以成功，大部分都應(yīng)該歸功于經(jīng)常運(yùn)用自我克制。下面就是他的做法，我憑記憶用他自己的話敘述如下：

“我這些年一直保存著一本約會(huì)的小冊(cè)子，上面記錄了我所有的約會(huì)。我的家人從不會(huì)在星期六晚上與我訂約會(huì)，因?yàn)樗麄冎牢視?huì)在每個(gè)星期六的晚上進(jìn)行自省。晚飯之后，我一個(gè)人關(guān)在房間，翻開(kāi)我的約會(huì)簿，回想這一周所有的會(huì)談、討論及集會(huì)。我會(huì)問(wèn)自己：

“‘我做錯(cuò)了什么？'‘我做的哪些是對(duì)的？怎樣才能有所改進(jìn)？’

“‘從這些經(jīng)驗(yàn)中我能獲得什么教訓(xùn)？’

“我常常發(fā)現(xiàn)，這種每周的自我反省讓我很不愉快。我對(duì)自己的錯(cuò)誤常常感到痛心。但是幾年之后，這些錯(cuò)誤也就不怎么出現(xiàn)了。現(xiàn)在，有時(shí)我在這種自省之后，會(huì)感到極大的寬慰。這樣長(zhǎng)期堅(jiān)持下來(lái)，這種自我分析、自我教育的方法，比我所試用過(guò)的任何方法都更有效。

“這種方法幫助我增強(qiáng)了決斷能力——對(duì)我的為人處世也有很大的幫助。我非常樂(lè)意推薦這種方法。”

為什么不用類(lèi)似的方法，來(lái)檢驗(yàn)?zāi)闶侨绾螒?yīng)用本書(shū)所介紹的原則的？如果你這樣做，就會(huì)有兩種效果：

第一，你將會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，自己所接受的是一種有趣而寶貴的教育。

第二，你將會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，自己的為人處世能力將大大提高。

9．你將會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，本書(shū)最后有幾頁(yè)白紙，你可以寫(xiě)下運(yùn)用這些原則所取得的成果。注意將姓名、日期和結(jié)果寫(xiě)清楚。這樣將會(huì)激勵(lì)你更加努力。當(dāng)你在多年之后再翻看這些時(shí)，將會(huì)覺(jué)得其樂(lè)無(wú)窮！

為了從本書(shū)獲得最大教益：

a．培養(yǎng)一種深刻而強(qiáng)烈的、掌握為人處世原則的欲望。

b．在閱讀下一章之前，將前面的章節(jié)讀兩遍。

c．閱讀的時(shí)候，要經(jīng)常停下來(lái)問(wèn)自己，如何才能運(yùn)用各項(xiàng)建議。

d．在每個(gè)重要的觀點(diǎn)旁邊做記號(hào)。

e．每個(gè)月溫習(xí)本書(shū)一次。

f．抓住每一個(gè)可以運(yùn)用這些原則的機(jī)會(huì)。將本書(shū)作為幫助你解決日常問(wèn)題的實(shí)用手冊(cè)。

g．每當(dāng)你違反某一項(xiàng)原則而被你的朋友抓到時(shí)，給他一點(diǎn)錢(qián)，使你的學(xué)習(xí)成為一種活潑有趣的游戲。

h．每個(gè)星期對(duì)你的進(jìn)步檢查一次。問(wèn)自己曾犯了什么錯(cuò)，有什么改進(jìn)，有什么教訓(xùn)，將來(lái)該如何做。

i．在書(shū)后面做記錄，寫(xiě)下你是在什么時(shí)候以及如何應(yīng)用這些原則的。