贊美的力量 How to Make People Like You Instantly

戴爾·卡耐基/Dale Carnegie

I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office at Thirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York. I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job—weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts—the same monotonous grind year after year.

So I said to myself: “I am going to try to make that clerk like me. Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him.”So I asked myself, “What is there about him that I can honestly admire?”

That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be easy. I instantly saw something I admired no end.

So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked with enthusiasm: “I certainly wish I had your head of hair.”

He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with smiles.

“Well, it isn't as good as it used to be,”he said modestly.

I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory,nevertheless it was still magnificent. He was immensely pleased. We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was: “Many people have admired my hair.”

I'll bet that person went out to lunch that day walking on air. I'll bet he went home that night and told his wife about it. I'll bet he looked in the mirror and said: “It is a beautiful head of hair.”

I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards: “What did you want to get out of him?”

What was I trying to get out of him!!!What was I trying to get out of him!!!If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return—if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.

Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.

There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble.

The law is this: Always make the other person feel important. John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said：“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”As I have already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.

Philosophers have been speculating on the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and out of all that speculation, there has evolved only one important precept. It is not new. It is as old as history. Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia twenty-five hundred years ago. Confucius preached it in China twenty-four centuries ago: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

有一次，在紐約33街區(qū)的一個(gè)郵局里，我正在排隊(duì)寄一封掛號(hào)信，無(wú)意間發(fā)現(xiàn)那位負(fù)責(zé)收寄掛號(hào)信的工作人員看起來(lái)對(duì)工作很厭煩的樣子——稱信、取郵票、找零、開(kāi)收據(jù)……他年復(fù)一年地重復(fù)著這些單調(diào)乏味的動(dòng)作。

于是，我暗暗對(duì)自己說(shuō)：“我一定要讓這個(gè)人注意我。顯然，讓他注意我，我就一定要對(duì)他說(shuō)一些贊美的話——不是關(guān)于我的，而是關(guān)于他的?！庇谑?，我問(wèn)自己：“他身上有哪些東西值得我稱贊呢？”

有時(shí)，這樣的問(wèn)題很難有答案，特別是在面對(duì)一個(gè)陌生人的時(shí)候。然而，巧合的是，我一眼就發(fā)現(xiàn)了他身上值得我稱贊的地方。這樣一來(lái)，事情就變得簡(jiǎn)單多了。

于是當(dāng)他為我稱信時(shí)，我熱情地對(duì)他說(shuō)：“我真希望能有像您這樣的好頭發(fā)?！?/p>

聽(tīng)了我的話，他抬起了頭，顯得有些吃驚，臉上還露出一絲由衷的微笑。

“不過(guò)，現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有原來(lái)好了?！彼苤t虛地說(shuō)。

我真誠(chéng)地對(duì)他說(shuō)，盡管頭發(fā)的光澤或許比以前稍差了點(diǎn)，不過(guò)看上去依然很不錯(cuò)。他顯得非常高興，我們開(kāi)心地聊了起來(lái)。最后，他對(duì)我說(shuō)：“許多人都曾夸獎(jiǎng)過(guò)我的頭發(fā)?！?/p>

我相信，他那天吃午餐的時(shí)候肯定是心情歡暢的；我相信，他晚上回家后，肯定會(huì)跟他的妻子講起這件事；我還相信，他會(huì)站在鏡子前欣賞著自己的頭發(fā)，并由衷地說(shuō)上一句：“我的頭發(fā)多漂亮?。　?/p>

我曾經(jīng)在一個(gè)公開(kāi)場(chǎng)合講過(guò)這個(gè)故事。故事講完后有個(gè)人問(wèn)我：“您希望從他那里得到些什么呢？”

我想從他那里得到些什么?。?！我想從他那里得到些什么?。。〖偃缥覀兌际侨绱俗运剑鍪裁词虑槲ㄒ坏哪康木褪秦潏D他人的回報(bào)，那么我們就不會(huì)給他人帶去一絲快樂(lè)，就會(huì)吝于給他人一句真誠(chéng)的贊美。如果我們的靈魂如此卑微，那么陪伴我們的只會(huì)是失敗和沮喪，絕不是成功和幸福。

是的。我確實(shí)想從那個(gè)人的身上得到某種東西，某種珍貴無(wú)價(jià)的東西。最終，我也確實(shí)得到了。我得到了這種感覺(jué)，在不求回報(bào)的前提下，做了一件讓他感到高興的事情。這件事過(guò)去以后，我仍會(huì)時(shí)常想起，而且有一種歷歷在目的感受。

人類的行為中有一條舉足輕重的法則。遵守它，便能為自己帶來(lái)無(wú)盡的快樂(lè)和數(shù)不清的朋友；悖逆它，則會(huì)陷入無(wú)盡的煩憂之中。

這條法則就是：一直讓別人感覺(jué)到被重視。正如約翰·杜威先生所說(shuō)的：“人類的天性中最強(qiáng)烈的渴望就是得到他人的重視?！蓖ふ材匪挂舱f(shuō)過(guò)：“人類的天性中最深刻的原則就是參與?！本拖裎仪懊嬷赋龅哪菢?，這種強(qiáng)烈的愿望正是人類區(qū)別于動(dòng)物的重要特征，也正是這種力量推動(dòng)了人類文明。

千百年來(lái)，哲學(xué)家們始終不遺余力地推敲著人類關(guān)系準(zhǔn)則。經(jīng)過(guò)所有的推敲發(fā)現(xiàn)，唯有一種至關(guān)重要的理念。這一理念并非什么新發(fā)明，它一直伴隨著人類歷史的進(jìn)程。兩千五百年前的波斯拜火教的創(chuàng)始人就已經(jīng)開(kāi)始傳輸這種理念。它就是孔子在兩千四百年前所宣揚(yáng)的：“己所不欲，勿施于人；己所欲者，亦施于人?！?/p>

心靈小語(yǔ)

往他人身上噴灑香水，自己聞到的香味更清晰。給他人送去快樂(lè)，我們不會(huì)因此變得悶悶不樂(lè)，反而更快樂(lè)了呢！

詞匯筆記

register [?red?ist?] v. 記錄；登記；注冊(cè)；掛號(hào)

例 I want to register this parcel.

我想掛號(hào)郵寄包裹。

envelope [?envil?up] n. 信封

例 Please write down your name on this envelope.

請(qǐng)把你的名字寫(xiě)在這個(gè)信封上。

assure [???u?] v. 保證；確實(shí)

例 Jack assured himself that they did as they were told.

杰克確信他們是按照要求的那樣去干的。

contemptibly [k?n?tempt?bli] adv. 卑鄙地；輕蔑地

例 He had made contemptibly little effort to improve the bad situation.

他沒(méi)有做任何努力來(lái)改善糟糕的境況，這相當(dāng)可恥。

小試身手

如果我們的靈魂如此卑微，那么陪伴我們的只會(huì)是失敗和沮喪，而絕不是成功和幸福。

譯_______________

經(jīng)過(guò)所有的推敲發(fā)現(xiàn)，唯有一種至關(guān)重要的理念。

譯_______________

己所不欲，勿施于人；己所欲者，亦施于人。

譯_______________

短語(yǔ)家族

In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness．

in fact：實(shí)際上；事實(shí)上

造_______________

As I have already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals.

point out：指出；指明；解釋

造_______________