光明和聲音
1880年6月27日，我出生在美國亞拉巴馬州北部一個美麗寧靜的小鎮——塔斯比亞。
我的父系祖先來自瑞典，他們移民到美國后居住在馬里蘭州。說來有些不可思議，在更早的瑞士祖先中有一位是蘇黎世最早的聾啞教育專家，他曾經寫過一本關于如何教育聾啞人的著作。他怎會料到呢？自己竟然會有一個像我這樣又盲又聾又啞的后代。每當我想到這里，心里就會禁不住大大地感慨一番，命運真是無法預知啊！
我的祖父，也就是卡斯帕·凱勒的兒子，他來到亞拉巴馬州之后，開墾了一片沃土并定居下來。當時的塔斯比亞鎮是一個偏僻的地方，祖父每年都要從鎮上騎馬到760英里外的費城購置家里和農場所需的生活用品。每次在前往費城的途中，祖父總會給家里人寫信報平安，他在信中將西部沿途的景觀，以及旅途中所遭遇的人、事、物都描述得清楚且生動。時至今日，姑母還珍藏著他當時寫的許多家信，祖父對旅途迷人風情的刻畫，對當地生活的生動再現，就像一本歷險小說一樣，總是那么引人遐想，讓人百讀不厭。
我的祖母凱勒是拉斐特一名官員亞歷山大·莫爾的女兒，她的祖父是維吉尼亞早期殖民政府長官并曾任皇家總督的亞歷山大·斯波茨伍德，她還是羅伯特·李的堂姐。
我的父親亞瑟·凱勒曾在南北戰爭時擔任過南軍上尉，我的母親凱蒂·亞當斯是他的第二任妻子，要比他小上好幾歲。母親的祖父本杰明·亞當斯與蘇姍娜·古德休結婚，多年來，一直居住在馬薩諸塞州東北部的紐伯里波特市。他們在那里生下兒子查理·亞當斯，之后又遷居至阿肯色州的赫勒納，查理代表南方軍隊作戰，后來被擢升為準將。南北戰爭爆發時，他與露茜·海倫·埃弗雷特成婚（與愛德華·埃弗雷特·黑爾博士同屬于一個埃弗雷特家族），戰爭結束后，他們舉家遷往田納西州的孟菲斯。在我尚未喪失聽力和視力以前，我記得我們家的房屋很小，一間正方形的大屋和一間供仆人們居住的小屋。依照南方的習慣，往往會在自己的房屋邊上再建一所附屬的小宅，以備不時之需。南北戰爭過后，父親也蓋了這樣一座屋子，就在他和我母親結婚之后，住進了這個小屋。房屋雖小，卻是個美麗的地方，整個房屋都被薔薇和金銀花圍繞著，從花園中一眼望去，就像是用植物的藤架支起了一座涼亭。就連門廊也潛藏在偌大一個花叢之中，這簡直就成了蜂鳥和蜜蜂的大樂園。
凱勒老宅離我們這薔薇小屋不過幾步而已，以前整個家族曾居住在那里。由于被茂密的樹木、綠藤所包圍，所以鄰居們都稱我們家為“綠色家園”。這里簡直成了我童年時代的天堂。
在蘇利文小姐到來之前，我經常獨自一人摸索著圍成方形的堅硬的黃楊木樹籬，慢慢行走在庭園里，憑自己的嗅覺尋找剛剛綻放的紫羅蘭和百合花，深深地吮吸著那一股清新的芳香。當我心情不好時，我也會獨自到這里來尋求慰藉，我會把火熱的臉埋在沁人心脾的樹葉和草叢里，讓清涼的氣息滲進我煩躁不安的心里來。置身于這個綠色花園里，真是讓人感到心曠神怡。這里有爬在地面上延伸的卷須藤和低垂的茉莉，還有一種叫作蝴蝶荷的花，那是一種特別罕見的植物。因為它那容易掉落的花瓣像極了蝴蝶的翅膀，所以美其名曰為蝴蝶荷。這種花會散發出一陣陣甜絲絲的氣味。可是在花園里最可愛美麗的還是薔薇，我在北方是不曾見過哪個花房中有讓人如此賞心悅目的薔薇花的。這是一種爬藤薔薇，到處攀爬，它那長長的綠色枝條一串又一串地倒掛在門廊上，散發著芬芳，卻沒有一點塵世煙火的氣息。每當清晨，未干的朝露會沐浴在它的身上，摸上去是那樣柔軟，使人深深陶醉在其中。我不禁常想，上帝御花園里的那些日光蘭，也不過如此吧！
像大多數人一樣，我生命的開始也是簡單的，從降臨到這個世間，到觀察這個世界，再到開始人生之旅。就像每個家庭迎接第一個孩子的誕生時一樣，大家滿心歡喜。為了給第一個孩子起一個滿意的名字，大家都絞盡腦汁地將這事掛在心上，每個人都要插上一句嘴。我父親希望以他最尊敬的祖先的名字“米德爾·坎培兒”做我的名字，母親則想用她母親的閨名“海倫·艾培麗特”。最后，大家接受了她的建議，以她母親的名字來命名。但是后來在抱著我去教堂的途中，過度緊張和興奮的父親竟把這個名字給忘了。所以，當牧師問起“這個嬰兒叫什么名字”時，父親一下子將“海倫·亞當斯”這個名字脫口而出。這樣一來，我就不是以外祖母的名字為名，而成了“海倫·亞當斯”了。
家人告訴我，在我還處在嬰兒時期的時候，就顯露出了爭強好勝的性格，強烈的好奇心讓倔強的我會非常固執地去模仿大人們的一舉一動。所以，在六個月大的時候，我就可以發出“喳！喳！喳！”的聲音，還會說“你好”，這引起了別人很大的興趣和注意力。我甚至在1歲以前就學會了“水”這個字。在我生病之后，盡管其他的發音都已經遺忘了，但是我卻仍然能夠發出這個字的音，直到后來，學會拼讀這個字，我告別了這種只能“咿咿呀呀”發音的階段。
家人還告訴我，我在剛滿周歲的時候就學會了走路。母親把我從浴盆中抱出來，放在她的膝上。突然間，我注意到那忽隱忽現，一閃一閃的陽光透過輕風起舞的樹葉將影子投射在光滑的地板上，我禁不住從母親的腿上滑下來，搖搖擺擺地向它追趕而去。待這一股沖勁過后，我就跌倒在地，哭著央求母親將我抱起來。
但是好景不長，春光里的鳥鳴歡笑，歌聲盈耳，夏日里的果香飄飄和美麗薔薇，待到草黃葉紅時，深秋已至。三個美好的季節就這樣匆匆流逝，但這一切卻在一個活蹦亂跳、咿呀學語的幼童心里留下了美好的記憶。第二年，陰郁又可怕的二月到來時，我突然生病了。病魔奪走了我的視覺和聽覺，讓我又重回嬰兒般的懵懂之中，醫生們診斷的結果，是急性的胃充血以及腦充血，他們宣布我已無藥可救，然而，一天清晨卻出現了奇跡，我忽然發起的高燒和它無端的到來一樣，突然地退了下來。家人萬分欣喜，但包括醫生在內的所有人，哪會想到，我將永遠不能用我的眼睛和耳朵去感覺這個美妙的世界了。我至今仍然依稀記得那場大病，尤其記得母親在我高燒不退、忍受著痛苦的煎熬時，溫柔地在我身邊撫慰著我，讓我鼓起所有的勇氣戰勝一切恐懼。我還記得，高燒過后，我不得不避開我一度十分喜歡的那些射向墻角的陽光，因為，那時的我眼睛干枯炙熱，又疼痛。后來，視力一天不如一天，我對陽光的感覺也漸漸地模糊不清了。感覺也一天天變得模糊起來。直到有一天，我睜開雙眼，眼前竟然是一片黑暗，那一刻讓我覺得就像在噩夢中一樣，我感到驚慌失措，那種巨大的悲哀是我永遠也難以忘懷的。漸漸地，我對周圍的一片靜寂和黑暗，已習以為常，忘記了那個并不是這樣的曾經，直到她——我的老師蘇利文小姐的到來。她為我打開了心靈的另一雙眼睛，她減輕了我內心的負擔，重喚起我對世界的希望，點燃了我心中搖曳的燭光。雖然我擁有過的光明和聲音只有十九個月，但我卻仍然可以清晰地記得——寬廣的綠色家園、蔚藍的天空、青翠的草木、爭奇斗艷的鮮花兒，所有這些一點一滴都已銘刻在我的心上，永駐在我心中。
LIGHT AND VOICE
I was born on June 27th,1880,in Tuscumbia, a little town of northern Alabama.
The family on my father's side is descended from Caspar Keller, a native of Switzerland, who settled in Maryland. One of my Swiss ancestors was the first teacher of the deaf in Zurich and wrote a book on the subject of their education-rather a singular coincidence, though it is true that there is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his.
My grandfather, Caspar Keller's son,"entered"large tracts of land in Alabama and finally settled there. I have been told that once a year he went from Tuscumbia to Philadelphia on horseback to purchase supplies for the plantation, and my aunt has in her possession many of the letters to his family, which give charming and vivid accounts of these trips.
My grandmother Keller was a daughter of one of Lafayette's aides, Alexander Moore, and granddaughter of Alexander Spotswood, an early Colonial Governor of Virginia. She was also second cousin to Robert E.Lee.
My father, Arthur H. Keller, was a captain in the Confederate Army, and my mother, Kate Adams, was his second wife and many years younger.Her grandfather, Benjamin Adams, married Susanna E.Goodhue, and lived in Newbury, Massachusetts, for many years.Their son, Charles Adams, was born in Newburyport, Massachusetts, and moved to Helena, Arkansas.When the Civil War broke out, he fought on the side of the South and became a brigadier-general.He married Lucy Helen Everett, who belonged to the same family of Everetts as Edward Everett and Dr.Edward Everett Hale.After the war was over the family moved to Memphis, Tennessee.
I lived, up to the time of the illness that deprived me of my sight and hearing, in a tiny house consisting of a large square room and a small one, in which the servant slept. It is a custom in the South to build a small house near the homestead as an annex to be used on occasion.Such a house my father built after the Civil War, and when he married my mother they went to live in it.It was completely covered with vines, climbing roses and honeysuckles.From the garden it looked like an arbour.The little porch was hidden from view by a screen of yellow roses and Southern smilax.It was the favourite haunt of humming-birds and bees.
The Keller homestead, where the family lived, was a few steps from our little rose-bower. It was called"Ivy Green"because the house and the surrounding trees and fences were covered with beautiful English ivy.Its old-fashioned garden was the paradise of my childhood.
Even in the days before my teacher came, I used to feel along the square stiff boxwood hedges, and, guided by the sense of smell, would find the first violets and lilies. There, too, after a fit of temper, I went to find comfort and to hide my hot face in the cool leaves and grass.What joy it was to lose myself in that garden of flowers, to wander happily from spot to spot, until, coming suddenly upon a beautiful vine, I recognized it by its leaves and blossoms, and knew it was the vine which covered the tumble-down summer-house at the farther end of the garden!Here, also, were trailing clematis, drooping jessamine, and some rare sweet-flowers called butterfly lilies, because their fragile petals resemble butterflies'wings.But the roses-they were loveliest of all.Never have I found in the greenhouses of the North such heart-satisfying roses as the climbing roses of my southern home.They used to hang in long festoons from our porch, filling the whole air with their fragrance, untainted by any earthy smell;and in the early morning, washed in the dew, they felt so soft, so pure, I could not help wondering if they did not resemble the asphodels of God's garden.
The beginning of my life was simple and much like every other little life. I came, I saw, I conquered, as the first baby in the family always does.There was the usual amount of discussion as to a name for me.The first baby in the family was not to be lightly named, every one was emphatic about that.My father suggested the name of Mildred Campbell, an ancestor whom he highly esteemed, and he declined to take any further part in the discussion.My mother solved the problem by giving it as her wish that I should be called after her mother, whose maiden name was Helen Everett.But in the excitement of carrying me to church my father lost the name on the way, very naturally, since it was one in which he had declined to have a part.When the minister asked him for it, he just remembered that it had been decided to call me after my grandmother, and he gave her name as Helen Adams.
I am told that while I was still in long dresses I showed many signs of an eager, self-asserting disposition. Everything that I saw other people do I insisted upon imitating.At six months I could pipe out"How d'ye,"and one day I attracted every one's attention by saying"Tea, tea, tea"quite plainly.Even after my illness I remembered one of the words I had learned in these early months.It was the word"water",and I continued to make some sound for that word after all other speech was lost.I ceased making the sound"wah-wah"only when I learned to spell the word.
They tell me I walked the day I was a year old. My mother had just taken me out of the bath-tub and was holding me in her lap, when I was suddenly attracted by the flickering shadows of leaves that danced in the sunlight on the smooth floor.I slipped from my mother's lap and almost ran toward them.The impulse gone, I fell down and cried for her to take me up in her arms.
These happy days did not last long. One brief spring, musical with the song of robin and mocking-bird, one summer rich in fruit and roses, one autumn of gold and crimson sped by and left their gifts at the feet of an eager, delighted child.Then, in the dreary month of February, came the illness which closed my eyes and ears and plunged me into the unconsciousness of a new-born baby.They called it acute congestion of the stomach and brain.The doctor thought I could not live.Early one morning, however, the fever left me as suddenly and mysteriously as it had come.There was great rejoicing in the family that morning, but no one, not even the doctor, knew that I should never see or hear again.
I fancy I still have confused recollections of that illness. I especially remember the tenderness with which my mother tried to soothe me in my waking hours of fret and pain, and the agony and bewilderment with which I awoke after a tossing half sleep, and turned my eyes, so dry and hot, to the wall, away from the once-loved light, which came to me dim and yet more dim each day.But, except for these fleetings memories, if, indeed, they be memories, it all seems very unreal, like a nightmare.Gradually I got used to the silence and darkness that surrounded me and forgot that it had ever been different, until she came-my teacher-who was to set my spirit free.But during the first nineteen months of my life I had caught glimpses of broad, green fields, a luminous sky, trees and flowers which the darkness that followed could not wholly blot out.If we have once seen,"the day is ours, and what the day has shown."
記憶深處的童年
我幾乎記不起來關于生病之后幾個月的事情了，只隱約記得我常坐在母親的腿上，或是緊拉住母親的裙角，跟著母親忙里忙外地做家務。漸漸地，我開始用手撫摸感觸著各種物體，揣摩著各種動作，用這種方法我學會了表達自己想說的、想做的很多東西。我渴望與人交流，于是開始做一些簡單的動作。把別人往我這里拉表示“來”，推表示“去”；搖頭表示“不”，點頭表示“是”。當我想吃面包時，我就模仿切面包、涂奶油的動作。當我想要在晚飯時吃冰淇淋時，我會縮著脖子打幾個冷戰表示冰冷的感覺。母親也竭盡所能地讓我了解她的意思，我總是能夠清楚地知道母親想要什么，并跑到樓上或其他地方給她拿來。說實話，是我母親的慈愛和智慧才讓我的心在漫長的黑夜里得到了所有光明。
隨著年齡的日益增長，我慢慢地明白了很多關于自己的事。5歲時，我學會了把洗衣店送回的洗好的衣服疊好并收起來，還能辨認出哪幾件是自己的，并給他們分類。從母親和姑母的梳洗打扮中，我知道她們要外出，就央求她們帶上我。親戚朋友來串門時，我總被叫來接見客人；他們走時，我揮手向他們告別，因為我還依稀記得這種手勢所表示的含義。記得有一次，家里有幾位先生即將來拜訪我母親，從開門和其他的一些聲音中，我知道了他們的來到。于是，我趁著家人不注意時，跑到母親的房間，學著其他人的樣子在鏡子前梳妝，往頭上抹油，在臉上擦粉，把面紗用發夾固定在頭發上，然后垂下面紗，輕蓋在臉上。我還找了一件寬大的宴會裙來包裹我小巧的身體，大大的裙擺拖在后面。完成了這番打扮之后，我就下樓去接待客人了。
我記不清是從何時開始意識到自己和別人是不同的，但我知道那肯定是在蘇利文小姐到來以前的事情。我注意到無論是我的家人，還是我的朋友，他們在相互交談時并不是像我們之間用手勢比劃，而是直接用嘴來交談。有時候，我會站在兩個談話者中間，用手去觸摸他們的嘴唇，可是我依然無法理解他們所說的話的意思，于是我感到非常惱怒。我努力蠕動著嘴唇并用瘋狂的手勢企圖來與人們進行交流，可是他們卻毫無反應，這常常使我惱羞成怒，不斷地踢打、尖叫，直到筋疲力盡才罷休。
我經常會為一些小事而無理取鬧，雖然心里很明白，但仍然急躁得無法控制自己，就像我明白我用腳踢傷了照顧我的護士艾拉一樣，盡管在情緒穩定之后我知道傷害了她，也明白她很痛，可是，當事情又無法如我意的時候，曾經的后悔與歉意就會再度被拋于腦后，不變的依然是我瘋狂的胡亂踢打。
在那段陰郁的童年時光里，我有兩個朝夕相處的伙伴，我們家廚師的孩子，一個黑人小女孩瑪莎·華盛頓和一條名叫貝爾的老塞特種獵狗。由于瑪莎·華盛頓很快懂得了我的手勢和動作，因此每次吩咐她做的事情，她都能很快地完成。她也很聽我的話，甚至于我的無理取鬧、飛揚跋扈在她那里也通常能得到絕對地服從，她大概認為與其跟我發生激烈的沖突，還不如滿足我的任何要求來得聰明。相比之下，我的個性固執沖動、爭強好勝，常常喜歡不顧后果、隨性而為、我行我素甚至不惜一戰。我和瑪莎把廚房當作我們的小天地，在那里度過了不少的時光，我們都喜歡揉面粉團，做冰淇淋，磨咖啡豆，喂小母雞，或為一些雞毛蒜皮的小事爭吵不休。那些家禽聚集在廚房里，溫馴地吃著我們手里的食物，并乖乖地讓我撫摸。一天，一只高大的火雞將我手中的番茄一下奪走了，可能是受到它的啟發，不久，我和瑪莎也偷偷拿走了廚娘剛剛烤好的蛋糕，并將其吃了個一干二凈，卻不料事后鬧開了肚子，之后便病倒了，不知那只火雞是否也得到了同我們一樣的懲罰。
珍珠雞喜歡在偏僻隱蔽處營建自己的小巢，而到茂密的草叢里去尋找它們下的蛋，也是我最熱衷的事情。雖然我無法告訴瑪莎我找蛋的想法，但我可以將雙手比成一個圓的形狀，并把它放在地上，示意草叢中有某種圓形的東西，瑪莎總是一看就明白了。倘若我們非常幸運地在草叢中找到了珍珠雞的窩，我絕不允許瑪莎拿著蛋回家，我會著急地用手勢一再向她強調，她一摔跤就會把蛋打碎的。
那些蛋，那儲放糧食的倉庫，飼養馬兒的廄房，奶牛擠奶的草場，都充斥著我和瑪莎童年永不褪色的記憶和無窮的樂趣。每當奶牛工人擠奶的時候，擠奶的工人會讓我把手放在牛背上，讓我去撫摸、去感覺，這種做法對于好奇的我來說總是樂此不疲的，我也因此被牛尾巴打到了好多次。
為圣誕節做準備對我而言也是件樂不可支的事情，雖然我并不明白過節意味著什么，但我喜歡家里因節日而到處彌漫著愉悅歡快的氛圍，大人們賞給我和瑪莎的誘人又美味的零食則更是我們的最愛。即使是在傷心的時候，我也會因為圣誕節的到來而快樂起來。家人會讓我們研磨香料，挑選葡萄干，舔攪拌過食物還留有香甜滋味的調羹。我還會學著別人的樣子，把長筒襪掛在床頭，然而我對所謂圣誕老人的禮物并不真感興趣，所以也不會有那么大的好奇心以至于天還沒亮就爬起來，迫切想看看襪子里到底裝進了什么好禮物。
做惡作劇是我和瑪莎共同的愛好。七月，一個炎熱的下午，我們兩人坐在門廊的臺階上，黑炭一樣的瑪莎用鞋帶把她那像絨毛一般的頭發捆成一小束一小束的發辮，看上去就像頂著一頭螺絲卷。我則留著長長的金色卷發，皮膚白晳。兩個年幼的小女孩，一黑一白，一個六歲，一個八九歲，其中年齡小的那一個就是身為盲童的我，另一個就是瑪莎。我們坐在臺階上忙著剪紙娃娃，但是沒多久就厭倦了這種游戲，于是我們把鞋帶剪斷，又把所有能找到的石階邊的忍冬草葉子剪掉，接著我就把目標鎖在了瑪莎那一頭螺絲卷上。一開始，瑪莎反抗著，不讓我剪，但是因為我的蠻橫她最后還是屈服了。考慮到游戲的公平，因此我也讓瑪莎剪了我一縷發絲，若不是母親及時趕來制止的話，我的頭發很有可能讓瑪莎給剪光。
貝爾，是我的一只老獵狗，也是我童年時期的另一個玩伴。它總是懶洋洋的，喜歡躺在火爐旁睡覺，而不愿陪我玩耍。我竭盡全力地教給它手勢語言，而它顯然太遲鈍，也太不專心，根本不明白我在干什么，我的努力最終也沒有什么結果。貝爾有時候也會興奮地突然跳起來狂奔，然后全神貫注地蹲著，這時候的它看起來就像瞄準了獵物的機敏獵犬，顯得威風凜凜。我不明白它為什么會有這樣的反應，但它這樣激怒我只會遭來我的一頓毒打。之后，它則只會站起來無精打采地伸個懶腰，發出類似輕蔑的鼻息聲，然后走到火爐的另一邊躺下繼續睡覺，根本毫不理睬我。而自討沒趣的我已經是筋疲力盡又失望透頂了，只好去廚房找瑪莎玩。
我童年的回憶充斥著無數零星瑣碎而不可磨滅的片斷。雖然細碎，可是，在我沒有聲音也沒有光明甚至沒有前途的孤寂和黑暗世界里，這些影像便更清晰地浮現在我心頭。
一天，我不小心把水濺在了圍裙上，于是我把它攤開來放到臥室的壁爐邊置于搖曳的爐火旁，想將它烘干。但是急性子的我覺得這實在干得太慢，便干脆直接把它放在了暖爐上。突然，火一下子就躥了起來，火焰瞬間將我包圍，圍裙也燃著了。我驚恐地大叫起來，照顧我的老奶奶維尼聞聲立刻趕來，用毯子一把將我裹住。雖然我差點被悶死，但火總算是撲滅了。我除了手和頭發之外，基本上沒有別的燒傷。
大約也就是在那段時間里，我發現了鑰匙的妙用。一天早晨，我玩性大發，把母親鎖在了儲藏室里。由于仆人們都在屋外忙碌著，所以母親足足被關在里邊三個小時。她一直在里邊不停地拍打著門，我卻坐在門外走廊的臺階上，感覺著由于重重地敲門而引起的震動，幸災樂禍地笑個不停。這次惡作劇之后，父母覺得我再這樣頑皮下去的話，情況會越來越糟，于是決定讓我盡快接受教育。于是，我的家庭老師——蘇利文小姐走進了我的生命。我仍然惡習難改，居然很快找了個機會把她也鎖在了房間里。當時，母親讓我上樓拿東西給蘇利文小姐，我把東西一交給她，立刻轉身把門鎖了起來，并把鑰匙藏在客廳角落的衣柜下，不告訴任何人。最后，父親只好搭了一架梯子讓蘇利文小姐從窗戶爬了出來。對于這次成功又聰明絕頂的惡作劇，當時的我非常得意，直到幾個月后，我才把鑰匙交出來。
在我差不多5歲的時候，我們從那爬滿蔓藤的小屋搬進了寬敞的新家。我們家有6口人。除了父親母親之外，我還有兩個異母哥哥，后來，又加了一個小妹妹——米爾德里德。關于父親，我最初的清晰的記憶是，有一次我穿過一大堆報紙，來到他跟前。那時，他正舉著一張報紙，將整個臉都遮住了。年幼的我很疑惑，很想知道父親在做什么，就學著他的樣子，也舉起一張報紙，還戴上了他的眼鏡，以為這樣便能夠找到答案。然而等到多年以后，我才終于明白那些是報紙，而我的父親是其中一份報紙的編輯。
父親是個和藹可親、仁慈寬厚的長者，他非常熱愛這個家。除了在打獵的季節外，很少離開我們。據說，他是個了不起的獵手，而且是一名神槍手。除了家人之外，他最愛的就是狗和獵槍。父親的好客是出了名的，幾乎每次出門他都會帶客人回來。對父親來說，特別值得驕傲的一件事情就是他在花園里種植了據說是全鎮最好的西瓜和草莓。每到水果成熟的時候，他總是讓我最先品嘗他精心挑選的葡萄和瓜果。父親常常溫柔慈愛地牽著我的手，帶我在瓜田和果園中散步，他撫摸我，使我感到無比快樂，在我腦海里，那情那景，至今依然歷歷在目。
父親還是個擅長講故事的高手，在我學會了語言文字之后，他常常會把許多充滿智慧的有趣的故事寫在我的手掌上，他往往拼寫得很慢，甚至顯得有點笨拙，但卻很認真，很執著。而最讓他開心的事情，莫過于聽我復述他講過的故事了。
1896年，當我正在美國北部享受著宜人夏季里的最后的一段光陰時，傳來了父親去世的噩耗。他生病時間不長，并沒有遭受太長時間病魔的折磨，一陣急性病發，就離開了人世。父親的離去讓我感到前所未有的悲痛，我第一次嘗到了生離死別的滋味，那刻骨銘心的痛苦讓我真切地感受到原來死亡離我們這樣近。
我應當怎樣來描述我的母親才好呢？她是那樣的寵愛我，與我又是那樣的親近，反而讓我不知從何說起。
很長一段時間里，我都把妹妹米爾德里德視為一個突然的闖入者。因為她的出生使我不再是母親唯一的心肝了，心不由得開始不平靜起來，滿腹妒忌，她搶走了母親本應該給我的愛。妹妹常常坐在母親的腿上，而那原本是我的位置，她不但奪走了母親對我的關愛和本該與我在一起的時間，而且后來發生的一件事情更讓我感覺受到了極大的侮辱與傷害，讓我覺得母愛也被分割。
那時候，我有一個非常心愛的娃娃，我叫它“南茜”。對待南茜，我就像對待被溺愛的寶貝一樣，而一旦我脾氣爆發，她就成了最無辜的犧牲品了，因此她會被我折磨得不成樣子。雖然我還有很多會說話，會哭鬧，會眨眼的其他娃娃，但我還是最愛南茜。南茜有一個專門的搖籃，我經常會花上一個小時甚至更長的時間來哄她睡覺。強烈的占有欲使我固執地保護著南茜和搖籃，不讓別人亂動一下。但是，有一天，我居然發現妹妹正靜靜地躺在南茜的搖籃里。那時，我正妒忌她奪走了母愛，又怎能忍受她睡在心愛的“南茜”的搖籃里呢？我頓時惱羞成怒，沖過去就想把搖籃推翻，要不是母親及時趕到接住了妹妹，她恐怕就要被我摔死了。當時的我已是又聾又啞，陷入了雙重孤寂之中，我無法領略親熱的語言、憐愛的行為以及伙伴間所產生的情誼，也不懂得這些對于我人生的意義。后來，我接受了教育之后，享受到了人類的幸福，與妹妹米爾德里德開始心靈相通，我們常常手牽著手隨意地到處玩耍，盡管她不懂得我的手語，我也聽不見她稚嫩又咿咿呀呀的童音。
MEMORY OF THE CHILDHOOD
I cannot recall what happened during the first months after my illness. I only know that I sat in my mother's lap or clung to her dress as she went about her household duties.My hands felt every object and observed every motion, and in this way I learned to know many things.Soon I felt the need of some communication with others and began to make crude signs.A shake of the head meant"No"and a nod,"Yes,"a pull meant"Come"and a push,"Go."Was it bread that I wanted?Then I would imitate the acts of cutting the slices and buttering them.If I wanted my mother to make ice-cream for dinner I made the sign for working the freezer and shivered, indicating cold.My mother, moreover, succeeded in making me understand a good deal.I always knew when she wished me to bring her something, and I would run upstairs or anywhere else she indicated.Indeed, I owe to her loving wisdom all that was bright and good in my long night.
I understood a good deal of what was going on about me. At five I learned to fold and put away the clean clothes when they were brought in from the laundry, and I distinguished my own from the rest.I knew by the way my mother and aunt dressed when they were going out, and I invariably begged to go with them.I was always sent for when there was company, and when the guests took their leave, I waved my hand to them, I think with a vague remembrance of the meaning of the gesture.One day some gentlemen called on my mother, and I felt the shutting of the front door and other sounds that indicated their arrival.On a sudden thought I ran upstairs before any one could stop me, to put on my idea of a company dress.Standing before the mirror, as I had seen others do, I anointed mine head with oil and covered my face thickly with powder.Then I pinned a veil over my head so that it covered my face and fell in folds down to my shoulders, and tied an enormous bustle round my small waist, so that it dangled behind, almost meeting the hem of my skirt.Thus attired I went down to help entertain the company.
I do not remember when I first realized that I was different from other people, but I knew it before my teacher came to me. I had noticed that my mother and my friends did not use signs as I did when they wanted anything done, but talked with their mouths.Sometimes I stood between two persons who were conversing and touched their lips.I could not understand, and was vexed.I moved my lips and gesticulated frantically without result.This made me so angry at times that I kicked and screamed until I was exhausted.
I think I knew when I was naughty, for I knew that it hurt Ella, my nurse, to kick her, and when my fit of temper was over I had a feeling akin to regret. But I cannot remember any instance in which this feeling prevented me from repeating the naughtiness when I failed to get what I wanted.
In those days a little coloured girl, Martha Washington, the child of our cook, and Belle, an old setter, and a great hunter in her day, were my constant companions. Martha Washington understood my signs, and I seldom had any difficulty in making her do just as I wished.It pleased me to domineer over her, and she generally submitted to my tyranny rather than risk a hand-to-hand encounter.I was strong, active, indifferent to consequences.I knew my own mind well enough and always had my own way, even if I had to fight tooth and nail for it.We spent a great deal of time in the kitchen, kneading dough balls, helping make ice-cream, grinding coffee, quarreling over the cake-bowl, and feeding the hens and turkeys that swarmed about the kitchen steps.Many of them were so tame that they would eat from my hand and let me feel them.One big gobbler snatched a tomato from me one day and ran away with it.Inspired, perhaps, by Master Gobbler's success, we carried off to the woodpile a cake which the cook had just frosted, and ate every bit of it.I was quite ill afterward, and I wonder if retribution also overtook the turkey.
The guinea-fowl likes to hide her nest in out-of-the-way places, and it was one of my greatest delights to hunt for the eggs in the long grass. I could not tell Martha Washington when I wanted to go egg-hunting, but I would double my hands and put them on the ground, which meant something round in the grass, and Martha always understood.When we were fortunate enough to find a nest I never allowed her to carry the eggs home, making her understand by emphatic signs that she might fall and break them.
The sheds where the corn was stored, the stable where the horses were kept, and the yard where the cows were milked morning and evening were unfailing sources of interest to Martha and me. The milkers would let me keep my hands on the cows while they milked, and I often got well switched by the cow for my curiosity.
The making ready for Christmas was always a delight to me. Of course I did not know what it was all about, but I enjoyed the pleasant odours that filled the house and the tidbits that were given to Martha Washington and me to keep us quiet.We were sadly in the way, but that did not interfere with our pleasure in the least.They allowed us to grind the spices, pick over the raisins and lick the stirring spoons.I hung my stocking because the others did.I cannot remember, however, that the ceremony interested me especially, nor did my curiosity cause me to wake before daylight to look for my gifts.
Martha Washington had as great a love of mischief as I. Two little children were seated on the veranda steps one hot July afternoon.One was black as ebony, with little bunches of fuzzy hair tied with shoestrings sticking out all over her head like corkscrews.The other was white, with long golden curls.One child was six years old, the other two or three years older.The younger child was blind-that was I-and the other was Martha Washington.We were busy cutting out paper dolls;but we soon wearied of this amusement, and after cutting up our shoestrings and clipping all the leaves off the honeysuckle that were within reach, I turned my attention to Martha's corkscrews.She objected at first, but finally submitted.Thinking that turn and turn about is fair play, she seized the scissors and cut off one of my curls, and would have cut them all off but for my mother's timely interference.
Belle, our dog, my other companion, was old and lazy and liked to sleep by the open fire rather than to romp with me. I tried hard to teach her my sign language, but she was dull and inattentive.She sometimes started and quivered with excitement, then she became perfectly rigid, as dogs do when they point a bird.I did not then know why Belle acted in this way, but I knew she was not doing as I wished.This vexed me and the lesson always ended in a one-sided boxing match.Belle would get up, stretch herself lazily, give one or two contemptuous sniffs, go to the opposite side of the hearth and lie down again, and I, wearied and disappointed, went off in search of Martha.
Many incidents of those early years are fixed in my memory, isolated, but clear and distinct, making the sense of that silent, aimless, dayless life all the more intense.
One day I happened to spill water on my apron, and I spread it out to dry before the fire which was flickering on the sitting-room hearth. The apron did not dry quickly enough to suit me, so I drew nearer and threw it right over the hot ashes.The fire leaped into life and the flames encircled me so that in a moment my clothes were blazing.I made a terrified noise that brought Viny, my old nurse, to the rescue.Throwing a blanket over me, she almost suffocated me, but she put out the fire.Except for my hands and hair I was not badly burned.
About this time I found out the use of a key. One morning I locked my mother up in the pantry, where she was obliged to remain three hours, as the servants were in a detached part of the house.She kept pounding on the door, while I sat outside on the porch steps and laughed with glee as I felt the jar of the pounding.This most naughty prank of mine convinced my parents that I must be taught as soon as possible.After my teacher, Miss Sullivan, came to me, I sought an early opportunity to lock her in her room.I went upstairs with something which my mother made me understand I was to give to Miss Sullivan, but no sooner had I given it to her than I slammed the door to, locked it, and hid the key under the wardrobe in the hall.I could not be induced to tell where the key was.My father was obliged to get a ladder and take Miss Sullivan out through the window-much to my delight.Months after I produced the key.
When I was about five years old we moved from the little vine-covered house to a large new one. The family consisted of my father and mother, two older half-brothers, and, afterward, a little sister, Mildred.My earliest distinct recollection of my father is making my way through great drifts of newspapers to his side and finding him alone, holding a sheet of paper before his face.I was greatly puzzled to know what he was doing.I imitated this action, even wearing his spectacles, thinking they might help solve the mystery.But I did not find out the secret for several years.Then I learned what those papers were, and that my father edited one of them.
My father was most loving and indulgent, devoted to his home, seldom leaving us, except in the hunting season. He was a great hunter, I have been told, and a celebrated shot.Next to his family he loved his dogs and gun.His hospitality was great, almost to a fault, and he seldom came home without bringing a guest.His special pride was the big garden where, it was said, he raised the finest watermelons and strawberries in the county, and to me he brought the first ripe grapes and the choicest berries.I remember his caressing touch as he led me from tree to tree, from vine to vine, and his eager delight in whatever pleased me.
He was a famous story-teller, after I had acquired language he used to spell clumsily into my hand his cleverest anecdotes, and nothing pleased him more than to have me repeat them at an opportune moment.
I was in the North, enjoying the last beautiful days of the summer of 1896,when I heard the news of my father's death. He had had a short illness, there had been a brief time of acute suffering, then all was over.This was my first great sorrow-my first personal experience with death.
How shall I write of my mother?She is so near to me that it almost seems indelicate to speak of her.
For a long time I regarded my little sister as an intruder. I knew that I had ceased to be my mother's only darling, and the thought filled me with jealousy.She sat in my mother's lap constantly, where I used to sit, and seemed to take up all her care and time.One day something happened which seemed to me to be adding insult to injury.
At that time I had a much-petted, much-abused doll, which I afterward named Nancy. She was, alas, the helpless victim of my outbursts of temper and of affection, so that she became much the worse for wear.I had dolls which talked, and cried, and opened and shut their eyes;yet I never loved one of them as I loved poor Nancy.She had a cradle, and I often spent an hour or more rocking her.I guarded both doll and cradle with the most jealous care, but once I discovered my little sister sleeping peacefully in the cradle.At this presumption on the part of one to whom as yet no tie of love bound me I grew angry.I rushed upon the cradle and overturned it, and the baby might have been killed had my mother not caught her as she fell.Thus it is that when we walk in the valley of twofold solitude we know little of the tender affections that grow out of endearing words and actions and companionship.But afterward, when I was restored to my human heritage, Mildred and I grew into each other's hearts, so that we were content to go hand-in-hand wherever caprice led us, although she could not understand my finger language, nor I her childish prattle.
漫漫求醫路
隨著年齡的增長，我想要表達自己想法的渴望愈加濃烈，而僅僅幾種單調的手勢則遠遠不能夠滿足我表達的需要。每次當我比劃半天而別人卻無法了解我想要表達的意思時，我總忍不住大發脾氣。我感覺有好多無形的魔爪緊緊抓著我，我瘋狂地想要從它們的束縛中掙脫。烈火在胸中熊熊燃燒著，卻又無法表達出來，我只好瘋狂地踢打、哭鬧，在地上翻滾、吼叫，直至精疲力竭。倘若母親恰好在我身邊，我會立刻一頭撲進她懷里，悲痛欲絕的哭泣使我幾乎都忘了這一切是為何。之后，表達思想的愿望愈強烈，日子也就愈難熬，有時每天都要發脾氣，甚至剛鬧完不到一個小時就又開始鬧了。
父母為我的這種狀況憂心忡忡，卻又無計可施。我們的住處遠離盲人學校和聾啞學校，而且也幾乎沒有人愿意到塔斯比亞這樣偏僻的地方，來教育一個又聾又盲的孩子。實際上，當時我的親戚朋友，都在懷疑像我這種情況的人是否還能接受教育！然而母親在閱讀狄更斯的《美國札記》后看到了一線希望。她依稀記得狄更斯在書中有關于勞拉·布里奇曼的描寫，這也是一位又聾又盲的女子，但她卻接受了教育，然而，讓人萬分沮喪的是，那位發明盲聾人教育方法的豪博士早已不在人間，而他的教育方法也許已經失傳了。即使沒有失傳，又有誰愿意為了我這樣一個小姑娘而到來呢？
大約6歲時，父親聽說巴爾的摩有一位赫赫有名的眼科大夫，這給了父母極大的希望。這位大夫成功地治好了好多毫無復明希望的盲人，父母決定立即帶我前往巴爾的摩去治眼睛，希望我還有重見光明的機會。
那是一次讓我至今仍記憶猶新的，非常愉快的旅行。我在火車上結交了許多朋友，一位太太還送給我一盒美麗的貝殼，父親在這些貝殼上都穿上小眼，這樣我就可以把它們一個一個串起來了，這些貝殼讓我在很長時間內得到了快樂與滿足。列車員對我也是親切的。他在車上來回檢票，我便拉著他的衣角跟著跑，有時他給我玩他的檢票器，這時我就蜷縮在座位的一角，用這個東西在一些硬紙上打小孔，即便幾個小時也不會感到厭煩。
姑媽用毛巾給我做了個大娃娃，可是卻沒有眼睛、耳朵、嘴巴、鼻子。這樣一個臨時拼湊的玩具，就算是正常孩子最豐富的想象力，也說不出那張臉是個什么樣子。最不能接受的是它缺陷的雙眼，這給了我莫大的打擊，所以我固執地要求每一個人都來幫我想辦法，但最終沒人能給娃娃安上眼睛。忽然間，我靈機一動，跳下座位，找到我的披肩，把上面綴著的珠子扯下兩顆，指給姑媽看，讓她把珠子縫在布娃娃臉上。姑媽疑惑地拉著我的手去摸她的眼睛，以核實我的用意。我使勁地點著頭，她縫上了珠子，我感到欣喜若狂。但是轉眼間，我就對這娃娃不感興趣了。在整個旅途中，吸引我的事層出不窮，我不停在忙碌著，一次脾氣也沒有發。
我們到達巴爾的摩之后，齊夏姆醫生熱情地接待了我們，但是檢查過后，對于我這種狀況他也表示無能為力。不過他說我可以接受教育，并建議我們去華盛頓找亞歷山大·格雷厄姆·貝爾博士，說他會給我們提供信息，讓我們找到合適的學校或是老師。依照齊夏姆醫生的建議，全家人又立刻啟程去華盛頓，一路上，父母總是愁腸滿腹，顧慮重重，而我卻渾然不知，只是感到來來往往，到處旅行好玩極了。一和貝爾博士接觸，我就感受到了他的親切與慈愛，同時也理解了他為什么能贏得那么多人的喜愛與尊重，即使那時我還只是個懵懂無知的孩童。他把我抱在膝上，弄響他手表的鬧鈴讓我玩，讓我感覺表的震動。貝爾博士具有很高的專業素質，他懂得我的手勢，我立刻就喜歡上了他。我沒有想到，這次相識竟是我生命的一個轉折點，從此，我從黑暗進入光明，擺脫了孤獨與隔膜的狀態，擁有了友愛，并開始吸取人類的智慧。
貝爾博士建議父親寫信給波士頓柏金斯學校校長安納諾斯先生，詢問他是否可以為我物色到一位啟蒙老師。柏金斯學校是《美國札記》中豪博士為盲、聾、啞人孜孜不倦工作的地方。父親馬上按照貝爾博士所說的寫了封信，數周以后我們收到了安那諾斯先生的親切又熱情的回信，他在信中安慰我們，并且告訴了我們一個好消息：教師已經找到了。這是1886年夏天的事，但是到第二年的3月，蘇利文小姐才來到我們家里。
就這樣，我像摩西走出埃及，站在西奈山的面前。我感受到了一種奇妙的難以用語言表達的力量，它打開了我的視野，將靈感通遍我的全身，并賜予了我光明，讓我眼前展現出無數奇景。從這圣山上我仿佛聽到了這樣的聲音：“知識給人以愛，給人以光明，給人以智慧。”
THE LONG WAY OF CURING SICKNESS
Meanwhile the desire to express myself grew. The few signs I used became less and less adequate, and my failures to make myself understood were invariably followed by outbursts of passion.I felt as if invisible hands were holding me, and I made frantic efforts to free myself.I struggled-not that struggling helped matters, but the spirit of resistance was strong within me.I generally broke down in tears and physical exhaustion.If my mother happened to be near I crept into her arms, too miserable even to remember the cause of the tempest.After awhile the need of some means of communication became so urgent that these outbursts occurred daily, sometimes hourly.
My parents were deeply grieved and perplexed. We lived a long way from any school for the blind or the deaf, and it seemed unlikely that any one would come to such an out-of-the-way place as Tuscumbia to teach a child who was both deaf and blind.Indeed, my friends and relatives sometimes doubted whether I could be taught.My mother's only ray of hope came from Dickens's"American Notes."She had read his account of Laura Bridgman, and remembered vaguely that she was deaf and blind, yet had been educated.But she also remembered with a hopeless pang that Dr.Howe, who had discovered the way to teach the deaf and blind, had been dead for many years.His methods had probably died with him;and if they had not, how was a little girl in a far-off town in Alabama to receive the benefit of them?
When I was about six years old, my father heard of an eminent oculist in Baltimore, who had been successful in many cases that had seemed hopeless. My parents at once determined to take me to Baltimore to see if anything could be done for my eyes.
The journey, which I remember well, was very pleasant. I made friends with many people on the train.One lady gave me a box of shells.My father made holes in these so that I could string them, and for a long time they kept me happy and contented.The conductor, too, was kind.Often when he went his rounds I clung to his coat tails while he collected and punched the tickets.His punch, with which he let me play, was a delightful toy.Curled up in a corner of the seat I amused myself for hours making funny little holes in bits of cardboard.
My aunt made me a big doll out of towels. It was the most comical, shapeless thing, this improvised doll, with no nose, mouth, ears or eyes-nothing that even the imagination of a child could convert into a face.Curiously enough, the absence of eyes struck me more than all the other defects put together.I pointed this out to everybody with provoking persistency, but no one seemed equal to the task of providing the doll with eyes.A bright idea, however, shot into my mind, and the problem was solved.I tumbled off the seat and searched under it until I found my aunt's cape, which was trimmed with large beads.I pulled two beads off and indicated to her that I wanted her to sew them on doll.She raised my hand to her eyes in a questioning way, and I nodded energetically.The beads were sewed in the right place and I could not contain myself for joy;but immediately I lost all interest in the doll.During the whole trip I did not have one fit of temper, there were so many things to keep my mind and fingers busy.
When we arrived in Baltimore, Dr. Chisholm received us kindly, but he could do nothing.He said, however, that I could be educated, and advised my father to consult Dr.Alexander Graham Bell, of Washington, who would be able to give him information about schools and teachers of deaf or blind children.Acting on the doctor's advice, we went immediately to Washington to see Dr.Bell, my father with a sad heart and many misgivings, I wholly unconscious of his anguish, finding pleasure in the excitement of moving from place to place.Child as I was, I at once felt the tenderness and sympathy which endeared Dr.Bell to so many hearts, as his wonderful achievements enlist their admiration.He held me on his knee while I examined his watch, and he made it strike for me.He understood my signs, and I knew it and loved him at once.But I did not dream that that interview would be the door through which I should pass from darkness into light, from isolation to friendship, companionship, knowledge, love.
Dr. Bell advised my father to write to Mr.Anagnos, director of the Perkins Institution in Boston, the scene of Dr.Howe's great labours for the blind, and ask him if he had a teacher competent to begin my education.This my father did at once, and in a few weeks there came a kind letter from Mr.Anagnos with the comforting assurance that a teacher had been found.This was in the summer of 1886.But Miss Sullivan did not arrive until the following March.
Thus I came up out of Egypt and stood before Sinai, and a power divine touched my spirit and gave it sight, so that I beheld many wonders. And from the sacred mountain I heard a voice which said,"Knowledge is love and light and vision."
天使的到來
我一生中最重要的一天，是老師安妮·蘇利文來到我家的那天。那是1887年3月3日，當時我才6歲零9個月。從那天起，我的生活與之前截然不同，這讓我不得不感慨萬分。
那個重要的下午，我默默地站在走廊上期待著。從母親的手勢以及家人匆忙的樣子，我猜想一定有什么非同尋常的事即將發生。下午的陽光穿透遮滿陽臺的金銀花葉子，落到我仰起的臉上。于是，我走到門口，站在臺階上等待著。我的手指在熟悉的花葉上移動，我撫弄著那些為迎接南方春天而綻開的花朵，我不知道即將會有怎樣的奇跡降臨，經過幾周的憤怒、苦惱，當時的我已經疲憊不堪了。
你可曾在茫茫大霧中航行過，神情緊張地在大霧中駕駛著一艘大船，小心翼翼、緩慢地向對岸駛去，帶著怦然跳動的心期待著某些事情的發生？接受教育以前，我仿佛是那艘大霧中既沒有指南針也沒有探測儀，無從知道海港已經非常臨近的航船。我心里無聲地呼喊著：“光明！光明！給我光明！”也就是在此時，愛的光明灑滿了我一身。
我感覺到了向我走來的腳步聲，一個人握住了我的手，我以為是母親，立刻向她伸出雙手。她把我緊緊地抱在懷中。我好像能感覺出，她就是那個來為我啟迪世間的真理，更能給予我深切關愛的人。
蘇利文小姐來的第二天早上就把我帶到她的房間，送給我一個洋娃娃。我到后來才知道，那是柏金斯盲人學校的一個孩童贈送的。年老的勞拉還親手縫制了洋娃娃的衣服。我玩了一會兒洋娃娃，蘇利文小姐拿起我的手在我的手掌上慢慢地拼寫了“DOLL”這個詞，這個舉動讓我馬上對手指游戲產生了興趣，并且模仿著在她手上畫。當我最后能正確地拼寫這個詞時，我立即跑下樓去找到母親，舉起我的手把詞拼寫給她看，當時我自豪極了，高興得臉都漲紅了。我并不知道我是在寫字，甚至也不知道世界上還存在著文字。我不過是模仿蘇利文小姐的動作，依葫蘆畫瓢而已。接下來的日子里，我又以這種方式，學會了拼寫“針”（PIN）、“帽子”（HAT）、“杯子”（CUP），以及“坐”（SIT）、“站”（STAND）、“走”（WALK）這些詞。在蘇利文小姐教了我幾個星期以后，我才知道原來世間萬物都有屬于自己的名字。
有一天當我正擺弄我的新洋娃娃的時候，蘇利文小姐把原來那個又臟又舊的布娃娃拿來放在我的腿上，然后把“DOLL”這個詞拼寫到我手上，想讓我知道兩個娃娃都叫作“DOLL”。那天上午，為“杯子”和“水”這兩個字我還和蘇利文小姐發生了爭執。她想讓我懂得“杯子”是“杯子”，“水”是“水”，而我卻把這倆詞混淆在了一塊。她實在拿我沒轍，只好暫時把這個問題扔在一邊，讓我重新練習布娃娃“DOLL”這個詞。我實在有些不耐煩了，抓起那個新的洋娃娃一下摔到地上，落在我腳邊的布娃娃被我摔壞了，我心中覺得特別痛快。發完脾氣，我既不慚愧，也沒有什么悔恨，因為我并不愛它。在我那孤寂而又黑暗的世界里，根本就不存在同情。蘇利文小姐把可憐的洋娃娃的殘碎片掃到火爐邊，我剛才所有的不開心終于被一種滿足感所代替。她把帽子遞給我，于是我便知道我又可以沐浴外面暖和的陽光了。這種沒有對文字的感知也可以表達的一種想法讓我滿懷興奮地跑了出去。
我們沿著小路散步到井房，房頂上盛開著芬芳撲鼻的金銀花。蘇利文小姐將我的一只手放在噴水口下，頃刻間我感覺到一股清涼的水在手上淌過。接著她在我的另一只手上拼寫“WATER”這個詞，起先寫得很慢，第二遍就加快一些了。我靜靜地站著，全神貫注地將注意力聚集在她手指的動作上。突然間，我恍然大悟，有種非常奇特的東西在我腦中蕩起一陣漣漪，讓我領悟到語言文字的奧秘。我知道了“水”就是正在我指端流過的這種滑滑的清涼而又奇妙的東西。這個“水”字喚醒了我沉睡的靈魂，并給予我光明、希望、快樂和自由。的確，我眼前的路還會布滿更多的荊棘，但這些坎坷馬上就會被清除。
井房難忘的經歷之后，求知的欲望在我心底油然而生。萬事萬物都有自己的名稱，每個名稱都能啟發新的思想。回到屋里，我似乎覺得我碰到的東西都有了生命。因為我開始以充滿新奇的“眼光”“看待”每一樣東西。我摸索著來到爐子前，因為想起那個被我摔得粉碎的洋娃娃，我撿起它殘留的碎片，想把它們拼湊起來，可是卻怎么也拼不好。我生平第一次雙眼浸滿了淚水，對以前的所作所為，我追悔莫及。
那一天，我學會了更多新字，多到我已不能全部記起，但我卻清晰地知道其中有“父親（FATHER）”“母親（MOTHER）”“妹妹（SISTER）”“老師（TEACHER）”等。這些字美不勝收，使整個世界在我面前變得花團錦簇。那個美好的夜晚，我獨自躺在床上，心中充滿了喜悅的回味著，第一次懷著萬分的期盼等待著新的一天快些來到。啊！這世界上還有比我更幸福的孩子嗎？
THE ARRIVAL OF ANGEL
The most important day I remember in all my life is the one on which my teacher, Anne Mansfield Sullivan, came to me. I am filled with wonder when I consider the immeasurable contrasts between the two lives which it connects.It was the third of March,1887,three months before I was seven years old.
In the afternoon of that eventful day, I stood on the porch, dumb, expectant. I guessed vaguely from my mother's signs and from the hurrying to and fro in the house that something unusual was about to happen, so I went to the door and waited on the steps.The afternoon sun penetrated the mass of honeysuckle that covered the porch, and fell on my upturned face.My fingers lingered almost unconsciously on the familiar leaves and blossoms which had just come forth to greet the sweet southern spring.I did not know what the future held of marvel or surprise for me.Anger and bitterness had preyed upon me continually for weeks and a deep languor had succeeded this passionate struggle.
Have you ever been at sea in a dense fog, when it seemed as if a tangible white darkness shut you in, and the great ship, tense and anxious, groped her way toward the shore with plummet and sounding-line, and you waited with beating heart for something to happen?I was like that ship before my education began, only I was without compass or sounding-line, and had no way of knowing how near the harbour was."Light!give me light!"was the wordless cry of my soul, and the light of love shone on me in that very hour.
I felt approaching footsteps. I stretched out my hand as I supposed to my mother.Some one took it, and I was caught up and held close in the arms of her who had come to reveal all things to me, and, more than all things else, to love me.
The morning after my teacher came she led me into her room and gave me a doll. The little blind children at the Perkins Institution had sent it and Laura Bridgman had dressed it;but I did not know this until afterward.When I had played with it a little while, Miss Sullivan slowly spelled into my hand the word"d-o-l-l."I was at once interested in this finger play and tried to imitate it.When I finally succeeded in making the letters correctly I was flushed with childish pleasure and pride.Running downstairs to my mother I held up my hand and made the letters for doll.I did not know that I was spelling a word or even that words existed.I was simply making my fingers go in monkey-like imitation.In the days that followed I learned to spell in this uncomprehending way a great many words, among them pin, hat, cup and a few verbs like sit, stand and walk.But my teacher had been with me several weeks before I understood that everything has a name.
One day, while I was playing with my new doll, Miss Sullivan put my big rag doll into my lap also, spelled"d-o-l-l"and tried to make me understand that"d-o-l-l"applied to both. Earlier in the day we had had a tussle over the words"m-u-g"and"w-a-t-e-r."Miss Sullivan had tried to impress it upon me that"m-u-g"is mug and that"w-a-t-e-r"is water, but I persisted in confounding the two.In despair she had dropped the subject for the time, only to renew it at the first opportunity.I became impatient at her repeated attempts and, seizing the new doll, I dashed it upon the floor.I was keenly delighted when I felt the fragments of the broken doll at my feet.Neither sorrow nor regret followed my passionate outburst.I had not loved the doll.In the still, dark world in which I lived there was no strong sentiment of tenderness.I felt my teacher sweep the fragments to one side of the hearth, and I had a sense of satisfaction that the cause of my discomfort was removed.She brought me my hat, and I knew I was going out into the warm sunshine.This thought, if a wordless sensation may be called a thought, made me hop and skip with pleasure.
We walked down the path to the well-house, attracted by the fragrance of the honeysuckle with which it was covered. Some one was drawing water and my teacher placed my hand under the spout.As the cool stream gushed over one hand she spelled into the other the word water, first slowly, then rapidly.I stood still, my whole attention fixed upon the motions of her fingers.Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten-a thrill of returning thought;and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me.I knew then that"w-a-t-e-r"meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand.That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, hope, joy, set it free!There were barriers still, it is true, but barriers that could in time be swept away.
I left the well-house eager to learn. Everything had a name, and each name gave birth to a new thought.As we returned to the house every object which I touched seemed to quiver with life.That was because I saw everything with the strange, new sight that had come to me.On entering the door I remembered the doll I had broken.I felt my way to the hearth and picked up the pieces.I tried vainly to put them together.Then my eyes filled with tears, for I realized what I had done, and for the first time I felt repentance and sorrow.
I learned a great many new words that day. I do not remember what they all were, but I do know that mother, father, sister, teacher were among them-words that were to make the world blossom for me,"like Aaron's rod, with flowers."It would have been difficult to find a happier child than I was as I lay in my crib at the close of the eventful day and lived over the joys it had brought me, and for the first time longed for a new day to come.