14. To Be Courteous

Courtliness is very important in socializing with the Chinese.If one doesn't know what courtliness is, he or she will not know how to socialize with the Chinese.It is hard to give a definition for courtliness as there are different ways of showing different degrees of courtliness.To be courteous, one can act in a modest manner and speak politely or give a valuable gift or send an email to greet someone.These are the types of acts that can show respect for others and enhance relationship.

But being courteous cannot be overdone.As a matter of fact, courtliness shows politeness, but it is only for people in the outside group.That's why being too courteous will make people inside unhappy.Being too courteous cannot create closeness but push people outside. How well one can create a close relationship with someone else pretty depends much on how fast one can reduce the courtliness between them.The closer the relation, the less courtliness is needed.If one goes to someone else's home without an appointment, then the relationship between the guest and the host must be very close.One should start off with a decent amount of courtliness in his or her attitude towards a stranger and gradually reduce that amount of courtliness when they become familiar. Otherwise, the relationship will develop rather slowly.